Welcome back to The Vibes! Usually, I would use this edition to write a longer piece so if you’re in the mood for that, my last one looked at Sally Rooney and Lorde’s Difficult Third Releases.
Hi!
I really have not had any vaguely intelligent/intelligible thoughts over the past couple of weeks (or at least none that have floated their way into approx. 1500 words)—
—so I thought this edition of The Vibes would, rather than giving you nothing which I’m sure might actually be preferable, lean on me complaining about things! My favourite hobby!
So here are (sort of) ten things that The Vibes Are Off On—
I really didn’t want to mention him in another email but due to unforeseen circumstances, I have to. EoTV Timothee Chalamet has begun filming cursed musical origin movie Wonka and released the first promo image. The worst part about it all is the comparison to the muppet Gonzo in A Muppet’s Christmas Carol, a classic film and a muppet whose look did not deserve to be bastardised by, I’ll say it again, Musical Origin Movie Wonka1.
I was talking to my brother about it and he asked how I can call him the Enemy of The Vibes, but still claim that two of the movies he co-stars in are my favourites (Little Women + Lady Bird, ofc) and then say that this one photo has the potential to ruin A Muppets Christmas Carol for me and I don’t know what to tell you! It’s just the way it is!
The word milquetoast. Purely because I have to keep reminding myself every time I read it that it is pronounced milk toast and not mil-kwe-tost. I am also annoyed at the word because it looks so fancy but then, as I correct the pronunciation in my head, it reminds me of when my nonna used to warm up milk and pop some bread in there for her meal.
This passage from an interview with T*m M*nch*n in The Age’s Sunday Life. It’s been floating around my head for too long a time and I’m hoping that putting it here will act as some sort of exorcism so that I never have to think about it again—
(source) —I’m sorry?! I hate this genre of man who thinks that by vaguely questioning the patriarchal system they’re adding to the world!! I would like to pass on this advice—
Fiery heart emoji—
I don’t blame anyone who thinks they’re unique for using it it’s just that every time there’s a new batch of emojis with a slightly ‘edgy’ one it always gets overused instantly. For the number one Vibes approved emoji, see the red angry face (😡) which is the most expressive and the funniest one.
Any movie that is longer than 2 hrs, any album longer than 45 minutes. I’ll make some exceptions—rewatched Marie Antoinette a couple of weeks ago and was reminded how good it is—but as a rule, nothing benefits from being long!!
Back to celebs, this is a basic opinion but The Vibes Are Off On celebrities who overcompensate on personality with a certain type of sarcastic supposedly deadpan humour. Usually, this occurs on Instagram (the preferred platform for these celebs because people are not as mean as they are on Twitter/comments are easily deleted) and our main culprits are the Ryan Reynolds and Blake Livelys of the world (although most men who are in superhero movies end up resorting to it sooner or later—godspeed Ethan Hawke). They’ll crop their partner out of a birthday or [mother/father’s] day post or caption a post “That time I f*d my hairdresser” which will earn them a headline like “Blake Lively just WON Father’s Day”. I won’t go so far as to say I’d prefer Kristen Bell and Dax Sheppard talking about their imminent divorce every 5 seconds but I’m close!!
Also! While I’m on this topic and can’t think of a final thing that the Vibes Are Off On (besides people being excited by a dress with pockets 😡), let’s double down on my actual least favourite celebrity doing my least favourite action becuase Ryan Reynolds did the Tim Minchin thing! He wrote this whole Instagram story about how Blake Lively should get credit for working on his movies with him, “Ryan Reynolds Says Blake Lively Doesn't Get Writing Credit Due To 'Inherent Sexism'” but hang on Ryan!! Did you not produce those movies?? Do you not have power as the producer, star and sometimes-writer?? But idk! Sexism really is something to think about I guess!
All gloves, most scarves, some hats. I don’t think I need to expand much on this other than if you are asking, “Even fingerless gloves? I can touch my phone easier when I wear them” I would say especially fingerless gloves. Scarves I don’t have real anger towards but they are just very particular and have to be the perfect width, length and style to really work. And maybe I’m just bitter towards hats because I have a deceptively big head where it doesn’t look it until I try on a hat and you Can Tell.
The whole Ted Lasso thing. I’m not anti Feel Good And Warm And Fuzzy TV (although I do prefer it in movie form) but something about this particular show and the energy surrounding it really annoys me. The idea of Ted Lasso Discourse is bad as well because I think a show like this is probably best left without a metanarrative. However, an article I read this year that I keep going back to was this one about the white man’s place in TV by Kathryn VanArendonk on Vulture—
(source) —which I think articulates the strangeness of the show being so beloved and absorbed by the greater culture. The worst part of it all is that I can no longer enjoy my favourite gossip story of 2020 which was Olivia Wilde leaving Jason Sudeikis for Harry Styles and O.W and J.S’s team’s conflicting timelines in the tabloids.
Jeremy Strong’s strange oatmeal knit vest (?) underneath his blazer at the Succession premiere.
obviously there are some questionable decisions all around here (double breasted blazer, purple tie, banker-y velvet pinstripe) but the knit is the worst, sits very weirdly as well. I wouldn’t even mind it without the blazer (okay maybe a lie) but if you’re going suit, you gotta go with a collared shirt. You’re not a creative director Jeremy!
Turns out that mostly, on reflection, The Vibes Are Off On Men (although #notallmen because I have been rewatching Mr. Jealousy—a sweet 1hr 47min—a lot at the moment and stand by my thoughts in Vibe 4.01).
I’ll be back in 2 weeks with 10 actual Vibes.
Until then :)
Bianca
There’s been press about how T.C’s ‘hero’ told him not to do hard drugs or superhero movies and I would like to tell him that there is no difference between hard drugs, superhero movies and Musical Origin Movie Wonka.